Nearly everyone who knows anything about the Gospels would say that Peter was the leader of the apostolic band. There is good reason for saying so. His nickname (Peter) appears 156 times in the New Testament and his given name (Simon) dozens of additional times. Peter was the first of the apostles to declare that Jesus was Israel’s Messiah. Jesus spent more time with Peter than he did with most of the other disciples, and gave him more tasks to do than he gave the others. In lists of the apostles, Peter’s name always comes first, which was an important indicator of rank in ancient literature.

Peter certainly seems to have been the leader of the apostles and yet there was a time when his leadership seems to have been in question. Witness the arguments among the disciples, which happened on more than one occasion (Mark 9:34; Luke 9:46; 22:24) about which of them was the greatest. Peter’s supremacy was apparently not taken for granted by the other apostles. They even argued about it on the eve of Jesus’s crucifixion!

Very interestingly, Peter disappears from each of the four Gospels for a period of time before the triumphal entry. (I first learned of this from Leon Morris’s great commentary on John.) For example, Peter is not mentioned between chapters 19 and 26 of Matthew. It was during this time that James and John, the sons of Zebedee, went secretly to Jesus to request the highest positions in his organization. That was probably not a coincidence.

In Luke, the absence occurs between chapters 18-22, which covers the same time span as the gaps in Matthew and in the more condensed narrative of Mark. In John’s Gospel, the gap occurs between chapters 7 and 13. Peter is conspicuously absent at the raising of Lazarus. This is particularly apparent when Thomas steps up as spokesman for the apostles (John 11:16).

That Peter is not mentioned is successive chapters of the Gospels is not sufficient evidence to prove his absence from the apostolic band, but the fact that these reference gaps occur during the same time period across all four Gospels is very persuasive. So, let us assume that Peter had to leave the apostolic band for a space of time – a few weeks to a couple of months. Let us assume that family issues forced his temporary departure. (He was, after all, married, and his mother-in-law had been seriously ill at an earlier time in the Gospel record.)

We can imagine that Peter might have been a little uncertain of his position of leadership when he returned to the apostles. What may have made things worse – may have caused Peter considerable anxiety – was the seating arrangement at the Passover meal on the night of Jesus’s betrayal. If Leon Morris was right (and I expect he was), Peter was not seated on Jesus’s immediate right or left—the highest places of honor. This seems to be the case, since we know that the unnamed disciple (probably John) was sitting next to Jesus when Peter signaled him to ask Jesus which of the disciples would betray him. Seating arrangements were carefully planned in first century Israel, and if Jesus had Peter seated well away from himself, both Peter and the other disciples may have interpreted that as a demotion.

Peter’s return to the apostolic band, which seems to have happened not long before the Triumphal Entry, may have led to the crucifixion eve argument over which of the apostles was greatest. Peter himself was likely uncertain about where he fit—and worried about it. This might explain why he stubbornly told Jesus, who had washed the feet of one disciple after another, that he would never wash his feet. It may also lie behind Peter’s vehement contradiction of his master when Jesus predicted that all the apostles would forsake him. Peter, remember, said: “Even if all fall away” – that is, all these other guys – “I will not.”

It may also explain why Peter, who carried a short sword, followed Jesus all the way to the house of Annas, the former high priest who still called the shots in Israel’s politics. Did Peter think that liberating Jesus from the enemy would prove his worth?

One can imagine Peter thinking to himself: “Which of us is the greatest? That’s easy. The one who risks his life. The one who frees his Lord or dies trying. He’s the greatest.”

Of course, Peter didn’t die trying. But something in him did die that night: his self-confidence, self-importance, and misplaced sense of honor. Three days later, they were resurrected and transformed into confidence in God, the importance of friends, and honor for his Lord.