The 3-D Marriage

About two million couples get married in the U.S. each year. Of that number, something like 225,000 of them began their relationship online. Imagine a couple that is about to get married. They didn’t meet in a bar, which is where many people go to find a match, nor in church, which is a better choice for meeting someone with whom to spend your life. No, they met online, using an AI-powered dating service that requires members to answer a sophisticated 200-question survey.

This thirty-something couple paid $100-a-month to join the site, filled out the comprehensive questionnaire, and registered their profile. Instead of using an internet cheat sheet to impress potential dating-partners, the two of them answered the questions honestly and to the best of their ability. They really wanted to find the right person.

They begin corresponding and, after a few weeks, decided to meet. But even before their first face-to-face, the CEO of the dating service texted them to set up a Zoom meeting. The couple wondered why he wanted to talk with them. What could motivate the CEO of the world’s fastest-growing dating site to set up a meeting with them?

At that Zoom meeting, the CEO told them, “Of the six million questionnaires submitted worldwide over the past three years, yours are the first to score a 100% compatibility rating across all 29 personality dimensions. Nothing like this has ever happened before! It is virtually impossible. If ever there was a match made in AI heaven, it’s yours. Invite me to the wedding! Oh, and I’d like to hire you as our spokespeople for 2026.”

These people we are imagining are the most compatible couple since Adam and Eve. They are perfectly suited for each other. He jokes that he should change his last name to “Right” so that he can be Mr. Right and she can be Mrs. Right on the marriage license.

So, if something like that really happened, would it guarantee a happy and successful marriage? The answer – even an AI will tell you – is no. Finding Mr. or Ms. Right does not guarantee a successful marriage, but when each member of the couple becomes the person God intends them to be, it does.

“I wish someone had told me that earlier.”

Ann Tyler wrote a novel titled, A Patchwork Planet, in which the main character is a thirty-two-year-old divorced man. Because of his job, he spends a great deal of time with elderly people, some of whom have been married for fifty years or more. As he watches them, he comes to a profound conclusion. “I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person. Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in a half a century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.”

Then he says poignantly, “I wish someone had told me that earlier.”

That is what I am telling readers in this article. Marrying “the right person” does not guarantee a good marriage, but becoming the right person (in this case, the right people) does. And no one knows how to help people to become the right person better than Jesus. When both members of a married couple become his apprentices, rely on his help, and seek his blessing, they will have a marriage that not even the best dating service can provide.

When a couple marries, they give themselves to each other with vows, the joining of right hands, and the giving and receiving of rings. But the foundation for a great marriage does not rest on the couple’s act of giving themselves to each other for life, but on the giving of themselves to God for eternity. That is what makes the difference.

All great marriages are three-dimensional. The first and most visible dimension is the one that exists between the couple. It is rich in itself, layered, complex, and beautiful; but there is more. The second dimension, which is just as real but not quite as prominent as the first, exists in the relationship between their marriage and others: children, family members, friends, and the church.

But it is the third dimension that stretches a marriage up to heaven: a shared relationship with God. Without this, marriage remains two-dimensional, which is to say, it remains flat. But with it, a marriage can become a work of art, sculpted in cooperation with the Divine Artist himself: a stunning, three-dimensional representation in which the beauty of Christ’s love for his church shines.

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Become Your True Self

This sermon on Colossians 3:1-4 introduces the idea of a true self, the self God intends you to be (and that you will love being. View time is 27:20.

If you would rather read the sermon that watch it, click here.

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Become Your True Self

Last week, we talked about moving closer to Christ. That takes faith. It can be scary moving closer to him, because it means we’re moving further away from something else – maybe something we enjoy, something our identity is wrapped up in, or something that makes us feel secure. If moving closer to Christ means moving further from the people or things we have relied on, we will only be able to do it if we trust God. Moving closer to Christ can, at least initially, make us feel less secure, and we hate that because security is one of our highest priorities. That’s why moving closer to Christ takes faith.

Moving closer to yourself – the person God made you to be – takes hope. When I talk about moving closer to yourself, I am assuming certain things you may not have thought about. I am assuming that you are not now the self you were in the past, nor are you the self you will be in the future. You have been in transition ever since you were formed in the womb. You did not stop becoming when you were born, or when you turned 18, or got married, or entered a career. Life moves from en utero to en cosmos to en Christo: from womb to world to Christ, and at each stage, we become more ourselves.

Moving closer to Christ takes faith; moving closer to yourself takes hope. St. John says, “What we shall be has not yet appeared, but when he appears we shall be like him” (the ultimate stage in our development), “for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, even as he is pure” (1 John 3:2-3). A Christian is not driven into the future by the mindless forces of the past. A Christian is drawn into the future by the loving plan of an all-knowing God. Your true self exists in that future: a self at peace within, with others, and with God. A self that: enjoys life and is constantly grateful for it; that sees the enormous value of others; that loves God with heart, and soul, and mind.

Last week, we saw that you can’t move closer to Christ without moving away from something else. This week, we’ll see that you can’t move closer to your true self without moving away from the misshapen – greedy, fearful, victimized – person you have taken yourself to be. Remember what St. John said? “Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself” – that is, moves away from the things that have no place in the person God is making him to be.

To move closer to Christ takes faith. To move closer to your true self takes hope. To move closer to others (both in and out of the church) takes love. So, we have faith, hope and love, and each one affects the other two. As we move closer to Christ, we find that we’ve moved closer to our true selves. When we move closer to our true selves, we become closer to other people, in and out of the church. Once this process gets started, each movement amplifies and reinforces the next. As I move closer to Christ, I am closer to the person God intends me to become, and that moves me closer to others, which moves me closer to Christ, which moves me closer to my true self, and so on. It is a spiritual chain reaction.

Today’s text helps us understand how we can cooperate with God in that process. I say “cooperate with God” because the new creation project is his project. We get to be, by his grace and to our joy, his co-workers; but it will always be his project. If we try to hijack it, we won’t end up with a new self but with a false self – probably just a false front – and we’ll miss out on the wonderful person he is making us to be.

Our text is Colossians 3:1-17, but because what Paul says in these verses grows out of what he’s written in chapter 2, and because it leads directly to what he will say at the end of this chapter and the beginning of chapter 4, we will need to look at what precedes and follows it. One week will not be enough to do all that, so we will continue in this text for two more weeks.

I’ve just said that God is the architect and builder of our true selves. Though he partners with us, he is the boss. When we forget that, we fall into the error of thinking that it is up to us to design and build the true self. But our design is usually only a mashup of other people’s ideas.

That’s what happened in the church at Colossae. First century influencers were speaking authoritatively on how to become your truer, fuller self. They shared fantastic – and probably fictitious – success stories, and led the Colossians to believe that they could succeed too, if they would only follow their plan. That plan included lots of rules and depended on a mind-over-body approach to life. (That’s chapter 2, verses 16-23.) In short, they were telling people how to take control of the new creation project.

That’s a temptation (taking control) that is hard to resist. But it is God – not us – who is the Architect-Builder of the new self. Conforming us to Christ’s image was his project long before we got involved. When we hijack control of that project, we actually delay the changes God is bringing about because obedience – not control – is the key to success. It is not that we are passive, any more than a construction worker on the job site is passive. We are on the job site. We are the job site. There is work to do, and the Architect-Builder expects us do it, but by following his plan, not ours—or worse, some ambitious teacher’s.  

Those first century teachers were so smart. Even Paul admits that their ideas appear wise; the only problem, he says, is that they don’t work (Colossians 2:23). Their shortcut to the true self would undermine the entire project. After warning the Colossians against them, Paul lays out a better way to move closer to the new self.

Now, listen as I read Colossians 3:1-11: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

What could Paul mean by “Since, then,” (or, as it could be translated, “If, as is the case”), “you have been raised with Christ…” How have we been raised with Christ? When did that happen? I don’t remember being raised with Christ, so what could this mean?

A common answer is that this is a metaphor, a poetic way of saying that we experienced a change of status when we trusted in Christ. Our status certainly changes when we turn to God and trust Jesus, but our status changes because there is a change in us. When we respond to the message about Jesus with faith, a connection is established between us and him, and through that connection, God begins reorganizing our lives around Jesus’s life. What happened to him 2,000 years ago – his death, his resurrection, his ascension – is being “downloaded” into us.

But if I have been raised with Christ, why do have I no awareness of it? Well, that is hardly the only thing you are not aware of that is true about you. There is more to you than you realize. Freud told us that, of course, but even he barely scratched the surface. You are more than your body, more than your conscious thoughts, and more than your subconscious thoughts. The you you think you know so well is really a stupendous mystery, even to you! You are more than the sum of your past experiences, more than the product of what has happened to you on earth. You are the promise of what has and will happen to you in connection to Christ. You – the real you, not a metaphorical you – has been raised with Christ and seated with him. And that is because you have been linked with Jesus through faith.

The fulfilled you, the forever you, beckons you on. People mistake that beckoning for hunger, boredom, sexual desire, ambition, but it is more enduring than any of these. To use the theological term, your soul’s deep longing is to be glorified. You can try to satisfy that longing with food, sex, success, sports, but it always comes back—and thank God it does. The core of our being is constantly crying out for something more: for completion—to be “a completed man, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13, LIT). That longing lies behind, and outlasts, every other desire.

It is important that you grasp this. There is more to you – and to your neighbor – than you realize. “There are no ordinary people,” C. S. Lewis once said. “You have never talked to a mere mortal…it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.”[1] God is calling us to become those splendours: rich in joy, fortified with strength, and guarded by peace. That is our destiny.

Look at verse 3. The you that lacked a connection to Christ has “died” (that reality is expressed in baptism), “and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Every Christian has a hidden life, and it is not just hidden from others; it’s even hidden from us! Bonhoeffer says, “Though [Christians] are a visible society, they are always unknown even to themselves.”[2] Our lives are hidden with Christ in God, and we are in a cosmic game of hide and seek. The day will come when God calls to all us seekers, “Ally, Ally in free” (at least, that is how we said it as kids—every region has its own form) and we will find, to our astonishment and joy, our true selves waiting for us there. And that true self will be like Christ.

This is far more than a game, but I refer to it as “hide and seek” because Paul uses that terminology. He says that our lives are hidden with Christ, and we must set our hearts on – literally, seek – things above. Your true self, hidden with Christ in God, is one of those “things above.” But you must follow the rules. You’ll never find true yourself by looking for yourself. (That’s a spiritual snipe hunt.) But look for Christ, fix your eyes on Jesus, and one day you will discover – better, you will be rewarded with – your true self.

Now look at verse 4: “When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” Notice that Christ is your life. Not football, not work, not spouse, nor house—not even church. If football is your life, the game of life will end in sudden death, but if Christ is your life, you will go on forever. That’s why we can say to the dying Christian: “Take heart, brother. You have your whole life ahead of you.” Christ’s life is your life; you have been connected to him. He is closer to you than you realize. When you ask, “Then where was hewhen this terrible thing happened?” the answer is, “He was there – in you; he is your life.”

We’re thinking about moving closer to Christ, to our true selves, to people in the church, and to people outside the church. We’ve already seen that to move closer to one thing is to move further away from something else. What is it that we must move away from to move closer to our true selves? It is our false self, which we have thought of as our real self.

What a relief – a joy – it is to realize that that self-centered, self-promoting, posturing, fearful, irritated person is not my true self! Do you remember what Jesus repeatedly said? It is the person who loses his life – literally, his soul, himself – for Christ’s sake, who finds it.

We see that movement away from the false self in our text. In verse 5, Paul writes, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly” – the self that is not your true self – “nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” Notice the word “therefore.” “Therefore” – not in order to become something you are not, but to complete something you already are in Christ – “put to death these things.”

You see this same motion away from certain things in verse 8: “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” You must rid yourself, put off, put away these things because they are fetters that bind you to an unreal self. This is not a self-improvement plan. God did not send Christ to die a sacrificial death for the world so that you could be a little better than you are now, but so that you could be your new, Jesus-like self. We are not improving the old, false self—we’re giving it up, trading it in on the wonderful self Christ died to save.

Why does Paul say we must put to death or put away things like anger and gossip and bad language, sexual immorality and greed? Are they really that bad? When that question is asked today, more and more people are answering, “No. Porn is okay. Sleeping around is okay. Filthy language is okay. That stuff is just natural.” I know people who grew up in the church who are saying that kind of thing.

And they’re right: those things are natural … for the false and incomplete self. But if you want to move closer to your fuller, stronger, peaceful, real self, you must move away from these things. You must lay them down or put them down, put them to death.

But you can’t do that by moving toward some idealized self. You do it by moving toward Jesus. Your only hope of ever becoming your true self is becoming Jesus’s true person. You aren’t you without him: he is your life! Seek him, and you will find yourself: strong, real, full. But seek yourself and you will find only a ghost, a shade, a phantom.

C. S. Lewis put it this way on the last page of Mere Christianity: “The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ’s and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him.”

“Look for yourself,” he continues, “and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”

But how do I look for Christ? Well, coming here week after week, or to some other gathering of Jesus’s people is a good start. Thoughtfully reading his words and reading about him in the Scriptures and contemplating what you’ve read is a tried-and-true method. Practicing prayer, learning how to do it better, and setting aside time every day for it has helped millions of people.

But the best guidance I can give you about how to look for Christ is to ask him. He’s the Architect-Builder. He knows what needs to happen next. Ask him, and continue to ask, “Lord, how shall I go about seeking you?” then pay attention to the ideas that come to your mind. When he gives you an answer, act on it, and you will start to see things happen.


[1] C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses

[2] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship, Touchstone Books, Simon and Shuster, 1995. p. 270

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Should We Drop the Confession of Sin (and Buy a Hazer)?

Our church’s worship could be called liturgical. We issue a call to worship, join in a confession, and hear the words of assurance. We respond to each of these elements with praise, gratitude or dedication, in words that are both spoken and sung. Then, when we hear the Scripture read, we give thanks to God.

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People are not crowding into our building to say, “Thanks be to God!” or to confess their sins. It is possible that we would draw more people if we’d drop the confession of sin and buy a haze machine instead. (Though I can imagine future church members, say twenty years from now, saying, “Can you believe we used to think that was cool?”) We’ll forego the haze machine for now, but we will keep the confession, which in our liturgy is not just a confession of sin, but a confession of need, and especially a confession of Jesus as Lord.

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Nearly everyone agrees that confession of sin is a biblical imperative. So, why is it missing from most evangelical church services—the ecclesial tradition that is most emphatic in its insistence on being biblical? I was in a mainline church recently where we were called on to confess our sins, but in the last big evangelical gathering I was at, a confession of sin would have felt out of place. Just as we were being lifted up on wave after wave of music and image, a confession would have brought us down.

If we don’t give confession a place in our corporate worship, will we give it a place in our private lives? I’m not sure that we do. Yet the biblical injunction is as plain as day: “Confess your sins to one another” (James 5:16). James does not say, “Confess your sins to a therapist,” or even, “Confess your sins to a religious professional.” He says, “Confess your sins to one another.”

Why would anyone do that? They wouldn’t … unless they really wanted to get free of their sins. I am only going to confess my sins to someone if I am desperate to escape them.

But isn’t it enough to confess my sin to God? How does it help to confess my sin to someone else? It’s not like I don’t know what my sin is. In King David’s words, “My sin is always before me.”

Confession helps in more than one way. For example, though I think I know what my sin is, I might be mistaken. I may think that my weakness is sin. (It is not.) I might classify my failure as sin. (It is not.) I might believe that my feelings are a sin. (They are not.) What my sin really is, I may not see at all.

I washed windows at our house this week. We have two picture windows in our living room, one facing east and the other, larger one, facing south. In late morning (which was when I was working on them) the sun shines on both windows. On a bright, clear day (like this past Monday) it can be almost blinding.

I spent a long time making that east window just so, but when I went inside, I could see all kinds of streaks and smudges that were completely invisible from the outside. When I was finished with both windows, my wife came into the room and pointed out fresh spots that needed cleaning, one after another, after another, until I finally asked her to stop looking. The windows were good enough. (Besides, I knew that in another hour, when the sun had westered a little more, they would look spotless.)

What spots and smudges I could see depended on the direction the light was shining and on the direction from which I was looking. It is that way with sin. From within my own body, looking out of my own eyes, I can appear spotless—or at least “good enough.” But I do not see myself as I really am. For that, I need your eyes, and especially God’s eyes.

Confessing our sin to another is a great help in breaking the power that sin has over us. There is a psychological component at play here, but I don’t think the effect is merely psychological. Hidden sin is strong and will probably get stronger, but confessing sin takes away its power and hands it over to us. When we confess, sin’s hold on us weakens.

A liturgical confession is not meant to be a substitute for the confession we read about in James 5:16, but a help to it. When we corporately confess our sin and need, as well as Jesus’s lordship, we are stepping onto a path that leads straight into everyday life. Facing our sin in corporate worship helps us face it in daily life, instead of retreating into denial (1 John 1:10). The shared confession we speak publicly makes it easier to share a confession privately. And that makes it easier for me to become the joyful person God designed me to be.

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Every Christian Experience Spiritually Dry Times

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It’s that time of year. The temperature has dropped, the leaves are falling, and we’ve started turning up the heat in the mornings. By 7:00 PM, it’s getting dark, and when DST ends just eight days from now, and it will be getting dark by 6:00. The air is drying out, t-shirts are beginning to crackle with static electricity, and lip balm will soon be flying off the shelves.

Just as this time of year can mean dryness in our homes, it can mean dryness in our souls. As people move toward the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, they may think, “I should be happy. Why can’t I get into the spirit of things? Why do I feel so dry?”

Something like 10 million Americans suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and as many as 35 million others suffer milder forms of the same malady. Many of these people are Christians, who are further troubled by the thought that “real Christians” don’t experience dryness and depression. They worry that something must be wrong with them and fear they will be judged if they tell anyone of their emotional depression and spiritual dryness.

They might be surprised to learn that depression is a common ailment among clergy. The late John R.W. Stott, prominent scholar, former rector of All Souls Church, and founder of the Langham Partnership, called depression “the bane of the ministry.” C.H. Spurgeon, one of England’s greatest preachers, was sometimes too depressed to get out of bed. William Cowper, a devout Christian and one of the Eighteenth Century’s most distinguished poets, struggled with terrible bouts of depression throughout his life.

More recently, Louie Giglio, founder of the Passion Movement and pastor of Passion City church, has spoken candidly about his experience of depression. The influential megachurch pastor Rick Warren went through depression following the death of his son by suicide. Even spiritually mature people may experience depression. Everyone experiences periods of spiritual dryness.

Periods of spiritual dryness are not only common among people of faith, they are normal. Indeed, such dryness serves an important function in the development of Christian character. New believers are often dependent upon feelings of love, security, etc. for their well-being. They trust God when they feel trusting. They are kind when they feel kind. They are grateful for God’s salvation when they feel saved. But this is not enough: God will have us trust him, and not just our feelings about him. Periods of dryness serve to further this aim by removing the support of feelings and forcing us to rely on God alone.

The Scottish writer George Macdonald warns that during these dry times we are liable to mourn over our loss of positive feelings or, worse, “make frantic efforts to rouse them.” The problem is that when we address our feelings directly, they hide from sight. When we focus not on our feelings, but on truth, on God’s goodness, on his grace to us in Jesus Christ and, strangely enough, on our obligations, our feelings often return, rekindled and bright.

Macdonald suggests that it is during these periods of dryness – not in spite of them – that our wills are forged in the likeness of God’s will. When we cannot choose to love, we can yet fight the hatred that is in us. When we cannot feel good, we can cry to the one who is good. “Fold the arms of thy faith,” Macdonald counsels, “and wait in the quietness until light goes up in thy darkness,” as it surely will.

While waiting for faith to kindle, don’t neglect to do the things that ought to be done. Just “do it,” the old Scot urges us, “if it be but sweeping of a room, or the preparing of a meal, or a visit to a friend. Heed not thy feeling: Do thy work.”

In some cases, people experiencing depression should consult a physician, and medication may prove helpful. But in every case, the Lord will be with us, whether we feel him or not. He, too, knows what it is to feel desperately alone, for when he took on our flesh, he experienced even this. But we must keep in mind that his cry of desolation, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” was replaced in time with the greeting of joy: “Peace be with you.”

It will eventually be so for every one of Jesus’s people.

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Get Closer to Jesus

This is the first of seven sermons in a series titled, “Get Closer.” Each week, we will look at how to get closer: to Jesus; to the person God intends us to be; to people in our church family; and to friends, family, and coworkers outside the church. Each week coheres to all the rest. Enjoy.

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Why Can’t I Forgive?

When I speak or write on forgiveness, I know that people will respond with questions, and sometimes, objections. The subject hits home. We have all suffered some kind of wrong and we who are disciples of Jesus know that we must forgive. But how? How can I forgive when I am angry, feel betrayed, and cannot trust the person who has hurt me?

One of the reasons we do not forgive is that we misunderstand what constitutes forgiveness. We think that forgiveness means a cessation of anger. If that is so, and I am still angry, I must not have forgiven. But that is not so. Forgiveness makes it possible for me to let go of my anger, but it is not an anger-reliever in the way that ibuprofen is a pain reliever.

If you slap my face, I may forgive you, but my face will still sting. Forgiveness does not make the pain go away. Likewise, forgiveness does not make the anger go away. That takes time, prayer (not just for yourself but for your offender), and the reception of grace.

We’ve been told that to forgive is to forget, and if we have not forgotten, we have not forgiven. Jeremiah 31:34 is sometimes quoted in support of this claim, for God says that he “will forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more.” If God forgets my sin when he forgives, mustn’t I forget your sins when I forgive?

But God does not say that he will forget. Rather, he says that he will not remember. In Jewish culture, to remember is more than the unintended recollection of some past event. To remember is to recall, to reimagine, even to reenact some past event. So, when God told the Jews to remember what he had done during their journey through the wilderness, he instructed them to relive it for a week, to build “tabernacles” and stay in them, to reenact the wilderness wanderings. They called it “The Feast of Tabernacles.”

When God says he will not remember, he does not mean that he cannot remember—he does not have amnesia. He means that he will not recall what has happened (our sin) to our harm. He will not use what we have done against us. He chooses not to “relive” our wrongdoing or summon it up to use in judgment against us.

When we forgive, we do the same. It is not that we cannot, but that we will not, remember. When Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, attended an event where a former enemy – someone who had done wrong by her – was present, her friend pointed the wrongdoer out and recalled what the woman had done. Clara seemed not to remember. The woman, surprised, said something like, “Surely, you remember,” and went on to detail the offence. When Clara did not get upset about it, her friend persisted. Finally, Clara said: “I distinctly remember having forgotten that.”

That is what we do when we forgive. It is not that we cannot remember, but that we choose not to remember in order to harm the other person—even in our own minds. To forgive is not to forget, nor is it the cessation of anger. Forgiveness is a covenant before God not to use a person’s sins against them to their harm. When I have forgiven, I will not recall that person’s offence in order to harm them in the eyes of other people, in my own eyes, or by taking vengeance (even the passive-aggressive kind) against them.

There is still more to forgiveness, which I have described elsewhere (https://shaynelooper.com/2022/10/30/as-we-forgive-our-debtors/), but even after people understand what forgiveness entails, they may still struggle to forgive—and not know why. They have decided not to harm the other person in any way, even in their own thoughts, yet they continue to do so. Why isn’t it (forgiveness) working? Why can’t they do it?

One reason may be that, although they have forgiven the offender for the offence – something that took place years ago when he/she did this to me – they have not forgiven the offender for the hurts that offence caused. For example, I might forgive you for telling a lie about me in your foursome on the golf course last summer, but that lie cost me a promotion. It caused a rift between me and a long-time friend. It led people at my church to distrust me.

If I am going to forgive you, I must not only forgive you for what you did, but for what you caused. This is often the missing link in forgiveness, and the reason for our seeming inability to forgive. This kind of forgiveness is costly, but it is the kind that God himself offers. He not only forgives us for what we have done, but for what we have caused. The repercussions of human sin have been vast and inexpressibly harmful, causing even the death of the Lord of heaven and earth, yet God has forgiven. And he is our example (Colossians 3:13).

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Covenant: What It Is, How It Works

We are taking two weeks to try to understand what it means to be in covenant with God. Covenant plays an important role in the story of the Bible because God is conducting his rescue operation for creation in partnership with humans, and that partnership is structured around covenants. A covenant is a solemn agreement that brings two parties into some kind of partnership.

Let me elaborate on that definition. A covenant is a solemn agreement. It is serious. We can see that in an Old Testament story about Israel, just after Joshua led them into the promised land. God told Israel’s leaders that they were not under any circumstance to make a covenant with the people living in Canaan. But when an embassy of Gibeonites arrived, claiming to have come from a distant land, and wanting to enter into covenant with Israel, those leaders were duped. The Gibeonites had been told that Israel would not make a covenant with them if they knew where they were from, so they carried out an elaborate ruse. (You can read about it in Joshua 9.) When Israel learned it was all a lie, they wanted to renege on the covenant, but God would not let them. They had done a foolish thing, but now that they were in covenant, they must uphold it. God takes covenant very seriously.

A word about “partnership” is needed as well. In his generosity, God enters into partnership with us. It is not an equal partnership, as we’ll see. He does almost all the work, and we receive the benefit. But that does not mean that we have no responsibilities. You cannot be in covenant without responsibilities. J. I. Packer described covenant as a “voluntary mutual commitment that binds each party to the other.” God has bound himself to us by covenant.

We’re looking at Genesis 15 today. It shows us something of the actual process by which people in ancient times entered into a covenant. It was a bloody business and seems gruesome to our 21st century sensibilities, but it shows us the solemnity of covenant and the seriousness of breaking it.

The chapter begins this way: “After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” This verse just begs to be put it into context. “After this…” After what?

In the preceding passage, we learn that Abraham had gone to war against five kings. When we read that they were kings, don’t think of the kings of England or of France. These kings didn’t rule over a nation but over a city and its outlying villages, so we’re not talking about massive armies. But they had combined forces and had attacked the city-state where Abraham’s nephew Lot was living. They conquered it and took captives, including Lot and his family. Captives in such wars were either killed or sold into slavery. Abraham was not about to let that happen. Read Genesis 14 sometime; it plays out like an adventure movie.

Abraham was not a king, but he was rich and powerful. He put together an army that included 318 of his own men, plus mercenaries, and he went after the five kings. He and his men caught up to them at night, routed them, and freed the prisoners.

The king of Sodom, where Lot had lived, was delighted to get his people and treasures back and offered Abraham a substantial reward, which would have included the land ruled by the five kings. Abraham declined the offer. In their brief exchange, it is clear that Abraham had no respect the king of Sodom and wanted nothing to do with him. Then Abraham returned home.

So, what might have been going through Abraham’s mind after all this? He had defeated those kings at night in a surprise attack and with the help of mercenaries. But if those same kings were to mount an attack against him now, it would be a very different story. Were they already planning their revenge?

And had he done the right thing in turning down the reward? This operation had cost him a lot of money, and he had no way of recouping it. In the middle of the night, thoughts like these may have plagued Abraham.

That was when the word of the Lord, whose timing is always right, came to Abraham in a vision. This is the first time we read of the word of the Lord coming to a person. It is also the first time we hear of anyone having a vision. The Lord tells Abraham that he is his shield, that is, his protection. He needn’t worry about the five kings seeking vengeance. He also tells Abraham that he is his “very great reward.” He needn’t worry about having enough. He has the Lord, and whoever has the Lord has enough.

But Abraham does not think he has enough. There is one thing he is missing: a son to inherit the land God promised him. So, Abraham says, “O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus? …You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.”

God could have argued with Abraham, or chastised him for his lack of faith, but instead, he satisfied him with a promise: “…a son coming from your own body will be your heir.” Then God took Abraham outside in his vision, showed him the stars, and said, “Count them—if you can.” Of course, he could not: There are something like 10 septillion stars in the universe. (10 septillion is a one followed by 25 zeroes.) Then God told him, you won’t be able to count your descendants either; there will be too many of them.

Abraham was somewhere around 80-years-old at the time. Would he really have children at his age? But the word of the Lord not only informs, it transforms. God’s word not only speaks truth; it makes us capable of believing the truth and acting on it. Abraham believed God, and it was (v. 6) counted to him as righteousness.

Abraham believed God that he would have a son, and yet he turned right around and asked God for proof that he would have the land. I am glad that is included in the Scriptures. It shows me that Abraham was a lot like us. We can believe God one moment and doubt him the next. But God knows that, and he accommodates our weak faith more often than we can imagine.

We would expect God to answer Abraham with a detailed explanation of how the land will be given to him and his descendants. But God gives him something much better: he gives him a covenant. In chapter 12, God promised Abraham descendants and land. Now, God enters into covenant with Abraham as proof that he will fulfill his promises. To Abraham’s mind – to the mind of anyone living in that culture – ratifying a covenant would be the ultimate proof. You couldn’t ask for anything more.

Look at verse 9: “So the LORD said to him…” (This in response to Abraham’s request for proof: You want proof?) “…bring me a heifer, a goat and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon.”

What kind of proof is a heifer, a goat, and a ram? That does not seem like proof to us, but Abraham understood it perfectly. God was going to make a covenant with him. Abraham brings them to the Lord, and then proceeds to kill and cut in half each of the large animals. I told you that it is a bloody, gruesome business.

It’s also no small task. Leading, killing, and then cutting in half an animal – it’s not like Abraham owned a chain saw – would take time. Killing all these animals and cutting the four-footed one’s in half would require many hours and be exhausting work. After Abraham cuts them in half, he arranges the halves opposite each other (v. 10). Can you visualize what Abraham is doing? He puts one half the heifer here, and the other half there. Half the goat here, and the other half there. Half the ram here, and the other half there. It is almost as if he were creating a path that runs between the animal halves.

That is exactly what he was doing. Ever since the Lord told him to bring these animals, Abraham has understood what he was supposed to do. This is the procedure for making, or as the Hebrew idiom has it, for cutting a covenant. With all this blood and the smell of dead animals rising into the air, carrion birds show up, looking for a meal. So, Abraham, exhausted, has to remain vigilant, and drive away the birds. And he waits.

The afternoon turns into evening, the evening grows dark, and still Abraham waits. What is he waiting for? He is waiting for the arrival of his covenant partner. Abraham knows how this works. The two parties involved in the covenant need to walk down the aisle created by the placement of the animal parts. That is how covenants are ratified.

That seems bizarre to us. Walking between a bunch of dead, smelly animals somehow seals the deal, cements the promise, ratifies the covenant? Yes. But why? Because by walking between the pieces of the dead animals, the covenant partners are saying, “If I do not keep the covenant I have made, may my life be like that of these animals.”

The covenant partners are taking a curse on themselves should their covenant commitments go unfulfilled. I told you that making a covenant is serious business. The most common covenant in American life is the covenant of marriage. At least, that is what people once called it, and that was true whether they were religious or not. But today, that terminology has dropped out of many wedding ceremonies. Maybe that is understandable when one out of two marriages ends in divorce, often after one or both parties have reneged on their covenant vows. No one explained to them the seriousness of the vows they were making.

You know the vows, right? “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.” That is a covenant promise; making it is serious business.

That’s why, when I officiate a wedding, I tell people that if they write their own vows, I will need to approve them. I won’t let couples recite nonsense to each other, like the bride and groom that promised to be there for each other as “long as love shall last.” Drivel like that won’t help love last. Feelings, regardless of their sincerity and intensity, are bound to ebb and flow, whereas a covenant commitment remains, and that makes lasting love possible.

Now, let’s go back to the text and see what’s happening. Abraham has been waiting for his covenant partner to show up and driving away the carrion birds while he waits. But when evening comes, the birds give up and go back to their nests. Abraham sits down and, tired as he is, falls asleep. His covenant partner has been waiting for this moment. With Abraham asleep and unable to walk the perilous path, the Lord speaks to him again. He tells him, verses 13 and 14, that his descendants will inherit the land but it will take 400 years, and they will be slaves in a foreign land. But when the time is right, they will be freed and will return to take possession of the covenant land.

Now, look at verses 17 and 18: “When the sun had gone down and it was dark, behold, a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces. On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your offspring I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the river Euphrates…”

The covenant is being ratified. But something is wrong. Only one of the covenant partners – the smoking fire pot and a flaming torch represent God who is a consuming fire – passes between the pieces of the animals. It is God, not Abraham, who invites the curse on himself if the covenant vows go unfulfilled. Abraham is asleep. He can’t do anything to help, and that is precisely the point. God is taking it on himself to fulfill this covenant. Whatever Abraham and his descendants do or do not do, God will see to it that the covenant is fulfilled. He has promised to bless all the peoples of the earth through Abraham, and nothing will stop him—cross his heart and hope to die.

So, what do we do with what we’ve seen in this strange passage? For one thing, we ought not settle for second best. Abraham went to war against the five kings in order to rescue Lot and his family. He was not trying to expand his territory or increase his power. He wasn’t looking to gain wealth. But after the battle, the King of Sodom offered Abraham the spoils of war, which included the territory of the five kings.

That territory comprised a good share of the land that God had promised to Abraham. He could have it right now—without the wait. And maybe this was God’s way of keeping his promise. But it would mean cozying up to that slimy, morally corrupt king of Sodom—forming an alliance with him, a covenant. So, what was Abraham to do?

Here’s a similar situation. Adam and Eve are offered the forbidden fruit. If they eat it, they will become like God, knowing good and evil. And isn’t that what God wanted? He made them “in his image.” Isn’t his plan, as we read later in Scripture, to conform all humanity to the glorious likeness of his Son. So why wait? Why not get it now?

Here’s yet another instance of the same kind of situation. Jesus is in the wilderness. The devil takes him to the summit of a high mountain, apparently in a vision, and shows him all the kingdoms of the earth and their splendor. Then he says, “I will give you all this. It will be your kingdom. Then you can do what you’ve always wanted to do: end hunger, end suffering, usher in an age of justice and peace. And all you have to do is bow down and worship me.”

Of course, God was already planning on giving Jesus all the kingdoms of the earth. But why wait? Why not have it now? Why should humanity endure its suffering any longer?

In each case, people can have something immediately that God intends to give them later.  The catch is they have to go against God’s ways to get it. Adam and Eve refused to wait, and they did receive the knowledge of good and evil, but not in the way God intended. Yes, they know good (as do all their children), but only through the lens of evil. If they had obeyed God, they (and we) would have known evil only through the lens of good.

Had Abraham taken the bait, he would have immediately possessed the land that his descendants had to wait 400 years to obtain. However, those descendants would not have learned to trust the Lord; they would not have seen his power; they would not have become his partners in the covenant. But they would have been indebted to the slimy king of Sodom.

Had Jesus taken the bait, he would have had the authority to do the things his heart desired, but it would have been the devil’s kind authority—a usurped authority, a tyrant’s authority. By doing it God’s way, Jesus has been exalted to the highest place and given the name above all names. He will do all that his heart desires, but he will do it with and through us, and so bless all the peoples of the earth.

We are an impatient people, and each new time-saving device that hits the market leaves us even more impatient. That’s a real problem for people who want to know God, because he’s never in a rush. Intimacy is not built on the run. It takes time to build a relationship with God. Are you giving him that time?

Besides that, hurried people make horrid decisions. Perhaps you need to slow down!

I said earlier that when God walked through the sacrificial animals alone, he took the responsibilities of fulfilling the covenant on himself. The God who would become a man – a descendant of Abraham – represented both parties on the perilous walk. God called the curse down on himself should the covenant be broken. And the One who sees the end from the beginning knew exactly where that would lead.

Abraham’s descendants would fail to keep the covenant, but it was God who would bear the curse. Listen to what St. Paul, who understood these things, wrote: “Christ” – Son of God, son of man, seed of Abraham – “redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: ‘Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.’”

Now listen as Paul explains: “He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus…” (Galatians 3:13-14).

God knew what the cost of keeping covenant with people like us would be. And he kept it anyway. That is our God. Let us be his people.

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Covenant: What It Is, How It Works

(Viewing time: 29:29.)

This sermon, based in Genesis 15, reveals what God is like and why is promises are trustworthy. (If you would like to read the sermon rather than watch/listen, click here.

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Covenant Flyover

The concept of “covenant” is important to understand for anyone who cares about the message of the Bible. God’s rescue effort for humanity and all creation is structured around covenant. This sermon surveys the covenant landscape and considers the five principal covenants between God and humans.

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